The Most Important Quality in a Leader? Having the Self-Awareness to Know What You Lack
By Katherine Lewis
I recently coached a strong leader who is very effective and well liked. I’ve worked with her team for a while, so I have a good sense of how they feel about her. I was surprised, then, to discover that she did not describe herself as an empathetic leader, contrary to the many business advice books and articles these days that extoll the importance of being just that.
In fact, she emphasized during questioning about how best to work with her that employees “should not expect sympathy” from her (though empathy and sympathy are not the same, in this example, both are applicable). She shared that this was not her natural style, but that she would try harder. More importantly, armed with this information, her team knew not to expect it from her and instead looked to certain teammates when they needed a sympathetic ear.
That worked out just fine for her, and this anecdote demonstrates a key discovery from my work as an executive coach. Despite proscriptive mantras about what traits leaders “must” have – flexibility, creativity and innovation are others that come to mind – the truth is, not everyone is going to possess them. As a leader, you can’t just turn on a switch and change your leadership style overnight. The good news is, lacking certain qualities doesn’t make you a bad leader!
I would argue that the most important leadership trait is to be authentically who you are. And yes, authenticity as a buzzword has a long history. The New York Times wrote about its popularity as the trait du jour, embraced by everyone from celebrities to web gurus, in 2011. Harvard Business Review wrote a few years ago about “The Authenticity Paradox” and how leaders must not misunderstand the dictates of authenticity, lest they come off as weak.
But when I encourage my clients to cultivate authenticity, what I mean is to have enough self-awareness to know what traits you have and which ones you don’t, and then figure out ways to compensate for the qualities your team needs. If you try to adopt leadership qualities that you don’t truly possess, that’s not being authentic.
For instance, if a situation needs a quick and decisive leadership style, but you tend to need time to think things through and weigh all the pros and cons, consulting with a colleague who is more of a quick thinker can help you through the rough patch. As I wrote a few months ago, turning to your teammates to fill in your gaps or hiring a new colleague are great ways to build a stronger team and short-circuit any misgivings you may have about lacking certain leadership qualities.
Illustration by Liv Weinstein
Here are three ways to cultivate the self-awareness you need to be a stronger, more authentic leader and work on developing the qualities you would like to add to your toolbox:
Lean into psychometric assessments. Recognize there is no one way to be. What you perceive as the appropriate way to act and be is going to be different from someone else’s. There is no objective reality, we all come to the table with biases. Make sure you are referring back to psychometric assessments of yourself and your team so you can fully understand your preferred ways of communicating and then grow together.
2. Listen to your leadership coach. Part of what a good executive coach does is hold up a mirror and help you see yourself more clearly, challenging some of your long-held beliefs about yourself and others. What I do in my work is help clients get to that resonant “aha” moment, where they can clearly see the path ahead.
3. Use 360-degree feedback and ask for continuous feedback from team members. Use your one-on-one sessions with direct reports once a month to solicit some real-time feedback. Consider shifting from telling and talking to asking and listening. That’s part of continuous feedback too.
Cultivating self-awareness is ultimately more meaningful than possessing whatever “must-have” leadership traits are deemed important at a given moment. For a holistic approach to becoming the best team leader you can be, contact me at katherine@lewisrushassociates.com.